From the Different Drummer: These Small Hours

Hardly any mention of time travel, this time around. It might get a little heavy in places, so if that’s not your thing right now, I won’t hold it against you if you just wait for next week’s post.

   I realized, as I was reflecting on possible topics this month, that I often take these posts in one of two directions. Sometimes, I’m reflecting on the past; where we’ve been, how the band came to be, how I first got into the music, etc. Other times, I’m looking towards the future; the next album, the next show, the next steps with my studio. Looking forward, looking backwards. I never seem to take the time to just stop and look at what life is like now, in this very moment.

   I mean sure, looking at the present kinda requires looking backwards and forwards at once. The past contextualizes the present, in a “How did I get here?” sort of way. The future provides direction, motivation, perhaps even hope if we’re lucky. But I find I don’t devote a ton of time to looking closely at the here and now.

   Here and now, I’m a 53 year old white American male. I’m married to two of the most amazing people I’ve ever been privileged to know, dating another woman I’ve loved for a long time, and am fairly surrounded with people who (for reasons I can neither explain nor defend) hold me in pretty high esteem. I own and operate a small recording studio. I play in a band you might have heard of. I’m a player of games, a teller of tales, a maker of music, a cook of some skill, I can hold my own in most conversations, and am pretty adept at keeping my mouth shut as the situation demands. I suffer from several mental illnesses, including Depression, Major Anxiety, and panic attacks. There’s a nonzero chance that I reside somewhere on various behavioral spectra, including but not limited to Autism and ADHD. I try to be kind. I find myself being unkind more often than I’d like. I try to be a good member of the various communities to which I belong. I find myself being either too self-absorbed or too afraid of my own shadow more often than I’d like. I try to be authentic and genuine. There’s a part of me that is utterly certain that sooner or later, EVERYone will reject me, and I listen to that particular facet more often than I’d like. 

   I’m a deeply flawed human being, in other words. And somehow, despite my many flaws…I find myself pretty content with where my life is at the moment. Yeah, there’s challenges; I need more clients for the studio, the band needs more bookings at more venues, the weekends need an extra day or two so I can keep running D&D for people. But my small corner of the world is pretty all right at the moment. So if you don’t mind, I’m going to take a few more moments to look around me, in the here-and-now, and appreciate it for what it is: A little knocked-around, but overall good.

   What’s YOUR world like today?

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