FiddlerNotes – In the doldrums, but still moving forward

So I’m writing this Friday morning because summer is apparently for pain flares. 

 “But Elf, you never really slowed down before this year in the summer, what gives?”

Well, if we go back a bit to my January blog, my word for the year is Thrive. That means learning both what the heck is going on with my body, how to live within that, and to strengthen the parts that need that. With the new job comes new insurance, and the ability to see the specialists.  This helps identify the root issues and teaches me tools and helps me find accommodations. So with that I’ll (eventually) have the energy and ability to do the things I actually WANT to do rather than all my energy going into what NEEDS done and there’s nothing left in the tank for fun things.

Let me tell you, once you notice that something is weird, something hurts?  It’s real dang hard to put it back in the box you were ignoring it in for years (who am I kidding, decades).  It’s hard finding those new limits, setting new paths in your brain.  It’s something I’m really struggling with to be honest.  I’ve always been the person to push through, get it done. You can ask the guys, 20 years ago one catchphrase for me was “Sleep is for the dead”  

That really can’t fly anymore.  I’ve got my partners, our kids, an amazing band that I still can’t believe I have the honor of performing with, and I have you all, the Beta Testers that support us.  You all come out to gigs, send your love and energy while reading out blogs, listening to our albums.  I NEED to keep the ol’ meat suit running better than I have, for all of that.

Which means actually listening to my body when I’m having a pain flare and taking it easy.

So Monday was a total fog of ‘just get through the day’.  It was bad enough that I don’t remember a ton of Monday.  Tuesday I was in a full flare; joints angry, general ache, and whoa boy so much brain fog.  Still gotta work, but there was nothing left to even practice or game. Wednesday the body pain was better, but ye olde migraine and weird EDS skin issues rose, so improvement?  Thursday my brain decided to freak out (working on healing my brain, figuring out my body, AND breaking generational trauma all at the same time wasn’t the best idea), so the mostly-out-of-flare backslid a bit and I lost part of the day to resetting.

This is the long way around to say that Friday, today  is the first day I’ve had more than two brain cells that weren’t on pain management or ‘get the necessary done’ to rub together.

In good news the baby white wing dove that Rosie (the pupper) found and brought in the house (I’ll relay the story if you want) has been delivered to Liberty Wildlife Rescue safely.

Other  good news is I don’t (I think?) have flares like this very often?  The meh news is that they’re pretty solidly connected to the weather being weird, so monsoons are a big trigger for me.

The better news is that with actual diagnosis, I’m getting to actual physical therapy!  And help sorting through the accommodations and aides (and most importantly insurance coverage on said aides) to know what’s going to be supportive while I strengthen the muscles that need it, and what’s going to make things worse in the long term.

Which also leads me to what I’m doing during the summer break that inevitably happens for reasons Paul covered last week.  I’m seeing a LOT of doctors >_> which for the first time pretty much ever I’m looking forward to.  I’m going to a CONCERT that we’ve been anticipating since January (Look up Ateez, seriously.  Yes, it’s K-pop.  Yrs, there are REASONS I keep going on about them).  I’m also working on new tunes, both old trad ones, and some that I’ve written.  I’m being kind to myself on writing lyrics, and starting to teach myself the music theory I didn’t get as a kid so I can write the rest of the music that goes along with the melody line.

I’m letting myself rest and recover and on days I can’t actually DO I’m (trying) not to beat myself up for not doing all the things.  They will wait a day.  I’m crafting and creating still too, but only between letting myself rest and still doing those things that NEED to be done.  The Garden?  It’s slowed as it does in the summer here, but one batch of taters is still trucking along.  I’ll start planting in earnest in the fall.  Now is the planning time there.  That and setting up a digging/terraforming schedule for the front yard.  I now have a team of burlies/gothlings to move the dirt so I’m not trying to get all that done on my own.

What are y’all up to?  What’s the plan to escape the heat?  I hope that everyone is keeping as cool as possible and will see y’all at Fibber’s on July 20th!!  I think we need to pack this place ^_^  

Loev you all and see you soon!!

3 thoughts on “FiddlerNotes – In the doldrums, but still moving forward

  1. Dorrie

    I can relate so much to all of that. I, too, am just recently finding one diagnosis after the other than explains decades of misery but I’ve just now been able to explore the right doctors and had the right support system to DO anything about that misery. Much love and hugs to you, sister you have earned and deserve ALL the good things. And, being one of the ones who has had the privilege of knowing you “back in the day” I can personally testify that your motto used to indeed be “Sleep is for the weak”. I would love to hear the dove story also. Big hugz to you all!

    P.s. the privilege of playing in Open Beta is one you have EARNED with your remarkable and amazing talent and skill and dedication to your craft and your unmatched passion and drive for it. Don’t EVER sell yourself short, you have earned every good thing that has come to you in your life, dear sister! It has been one of the finest privileges of my life to reconnect with you and watch you blossom into the amazing woman that you are and witness your rising!

  2. Chris Will

    My daughter loves K Pop & I rather like it, too.
    ugh! I can relate to the pain, from all kinds of things all the time & just trudging on in spite of it. Physical therapy is amazing & has saved me several times over the past 20 years. I had too little respect for sleep until about 20 years ago when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. A regular sleep schedules helps keep it at bay. Migraines, though, are new in the past 5 years & we’re still getting that figured out. I don’t like going to doctors but having the right ones that you like can make a huge difference.
    The garden is asleep & the chickens are free-range cleaning it all up. I lost my Aracauna last winter so have been without green eggs for the 1st time since I started keeping chickens over20nyears ago! I just brought home 2 chicklets last Tuesday that will eventually lay green eggs! The 1st night I had to take them from what seemed to them to be a perfectly wonderful roosting spot (where the black tom would’ve had a yummy midnight snack!) & put them in the henhouse where the big girls would chase off anything that intruded on their roosting. Wednesday they got exasperated when they tried to follow the chickens but I got them both in there, Thursday I herded them in the right direction & caught them by the coop & put them to bed & tonight they followed the others into the coop & I just had to pick them up & put them in. Maybe tomorrow they’ll figure out how to use the ramp board.
    Hugs & happy dreams!


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